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First of all, be aware that CanadianDatingService.com
is not responsible for the personal
information you choose to disclose. This is your ad. and what you put in it is up to you.
However, we intend to disallow offensive material but we cannot ensure that offensive material
is promptly removed from the service or can we ensure secure transmissions over the Internet.
CanadianDatingService.com
reserves the right to prohibit what we deem to be offensive
material but we do not verify any information posted on the service or guarantee the proper
use of such information by any party.
Likewise you should be aware that the ads you read are not censored. Our clients write in
what they consider important and all of us have our blind spots. Look for authenticity in the
descriptions of the persons you contact. Does the language used and the descriptions given
resonate with you? If something feels false, take your time. Not everyone who
subscribes to a dating service is interested in a meaningful relationship.
When you receive a reply read the person’s ad. If you can see a photograph all the better. But
do not make snap judgments. The beauty of online dating is that it allows time to take a breath
in between dramatic episodes. It is easy to decide against someone because the known is
safer. A relationship is stretching yourself outside your comfort zone - that is what is so exciting
and rewarding about it. Many a relationship starts off in battle simply because the gulf between
them seems too huge. However, the attraction is there because of that huge gulf. A gulf you
must pass over to understand the other viewpoint that is so important for your personal
growth.
Often, to simplify the lure of love, it can be explained in one word --
complementarities. A very long word that means we seek in the other the complementary part of ourselves. We fall
in love with what we are missing (and often don’t really understand we are missing it). A man
may fall in love with a woman because of her social graces and the community he desires. The
woman will fall in love with a man because of his sense of independence and the freedom from
community demands that she desires.
Having a partner is a tremendous opportunity for "seeing self" - the places where you are not
accepting show up, the places where you judge show up, the places where you love and don't
love show up. It takes real perspective and clarity to remember that your life is about
expressing your "self identity". Everything and everyone in your life is there to allow you to see
yourself and your belief systems. What a partner is committing to is not to feel "love" all the
time, because feelings come and go; but committing to love the partner, no matter how they're
feeling, committing to seeing the partner as whole and complete, no matter how they are
behaving.
So - take you time at this stage. There is a lot to learn.
Now finally the time has come!! You are actually going to meet (sigh) Mr. or Ms. Right!! You
are psyched!! This is the meeting of a lifetime! Breathe deep -- first time expectations can get
wildly out of control.
Remember you did get along. You have exchanged emails and know something of each other.
You are friends so treat each other with respect. There is a real possibility there is no
chemistry there so treat each other with respect even if there is some dashed hopes and hurt
feelings. There is no intention to hurt -- it is just part of life.
Enjoy your time together even if you don’t click. Be yourself. Be honest -- if you find yourself
deluded, say so, and move on to closure. Don’t hold out false hopes out of a sense of thinking
you are being kind.
Our preference is for the first meeting to take place in controlled setting. Use your common
sense and meet in a public place. In the Okanagan, for that purpose, we will have continuing
monthly meetings which will be in the form of a social evening. The focus will be a seminar on
communication skills where relationships will be discussed. This gives each party the
opportunity to get a sense of each other without the nervousness attached to being alone on a
first meeting. Then leave and reflect upon the meeting. Take a time out. Then contact each
other again by email to decide your next move.
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS
Does this love meet my needs for intimacy, passion and commitment? Have you explored what
is important to you? Is this a wise relationship? Do you have enough in common to make this
work?
Do you know enough about this person? Has there been full disclosure of relationship history,
lifestyles and the realities of their life? Have you followed up on hunches that gave you
reservations about your email partner?
Do you share a similar spiritual outlook?
Finally, good luck
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